Poopocalypse of 2014

7 Feb

Yesterday I did my first run through a rain storm.

I was sad….

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And scared….

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But it had to get done.

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Now for the rest of this post I have a disclaimer –

1) If you are uncomfortable with poop talk, close the browser now

2) If you are a man who chooses to believe women do not poop, first let me tell you: we do. Now you may close the browser.

SO….runner’s trots. You’ve heard of them, right? (Cliffs notes: needing to poop LIKE OMG RIGHT NOW OR I’M GOING TO DIE during your run)

Well, it happens to me more than it should to any human being, but last night was THE. WORST. EVER.

Things started happening around mile 4 and I did whatever I could think of to fight it off…..

I started running straight through the puddles because getting my feet wet distracted me from what was happening digestively for a solid 4 seconds

I talked to myself out loud:

“you can do this.”

“fight it off”

“cleeeeench it together”

“whyyyyyyy god whyyyyy”

I wagered with my bowels:

“If I make it home poop-in-my-pants-free I promise to never each siracha hot sauce again”

“I own you. I decide when this is going to happen.”

“I love you?? Be nice to me??”

I even tried to look at it in a positive light by feeling more confident in my safety …….if anyone tried to kidnap me I would simply warn them that there is a 110% chance I would poop on them. And then I would proceed to do so.

But then I finally had to give up trying to complete my run — I walked waddled home for the last .3 miles, tried to chat up the cute guy in the elevator without letting him know I was suffering from a demon inside of me, thankfully made it to the bathroom after the hardest 25 minutes ever and continued to stay in the fetal position for the rest of the night.

I should probably end this story with some sort of a lesson I learned or maybe even some advice, but I have none of that.

Except for the fact that if you suffer from runner’s trots as well, know you’re not alone. I survived this and you will, too.

Fist bump.

My friend Kayleigh asked to be my ‘daily question’ generator — here are a few of my favorites:

Do you text your friends about your poop troubles?

Which side of the sidewalk do you run on?

What color is your water bottle?

11 Responses to “Poopocalypse of 2014”

  1. Jana February 7, 2014 at 4:54 pm #

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Poop.

    1. Yes
    2. All Sides
    3. …

    • irunfordonuts February 14, 2014 at 3:51 pm #

      It’s nice to hear you don’t discriminate on which side of the sidewalk you run on :)

  2. jmlol February 7, 2014 at 7:04 pm #

    Fist Bump!

  3. TheFreckleFacedRunner February 7, 2014 at 7:13 pm #

    This has happened to me way more than I care to deal with. I now plan all my rubs with escape routes that run by public restrooms! So horrible! Double fist bump! :)

    • irunfordonuts February 14, 2014 at 3:51 pm #

      I think I need to start planning my runs the same way!!! Double fist bump right back at ya ;)

  4. OneMotherofaDay February 7, 2014 at 7:52 pm #

    OMG! I have totally been there! There was one run where I literally didn’t think I was going to make it home and was about 2 seconds away from having to call my hubby to come pick me up but, I was able to suppress it and finish up the run. I have way too many stories of my hubby and his poop issues while running. I will spare him the embarrassment. I love hearing about other peoples poop stories :) sorry if that’s weird. its just nice to know im not alone.

    • irunfordonuts February 14, 2014 at 3:52 pm #

      Hahaha not weird at all!!! I love hearing them, too. I can only imagine your husbands stories. My brother has some BAD ones, too! hah!

  5. cinnamonkittens February 12, 2014 at 3:49 pm #

    This happened to me today! So pleased to discover I’m not alone, I hope you’re feeling better!

    • irunfordonuts February 14, 2014 at 3:55 pm #

      Felt like a brand new person the next day! Hope you’re feeling better, too!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] as all of you know (granted, not by choice) I have quite a sensitive stomach while running and sometimes have little devil children attacking my […]

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